Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
