rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
