The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
