Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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