Having a random hookup so left but love u
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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