I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
