I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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