So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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