so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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