I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
