I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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