Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
