Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
