mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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