found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
