apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
