ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
