It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
