I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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