The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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