I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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