Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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