I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
