You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You made out with two different species that night
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im part way to drunk.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
