tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
