Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
third nipple confirmed
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
