Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
