Where is the hickey?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
