you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
