Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
