No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
