wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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