did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
