Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
