I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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