Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
