Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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