I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
how drunk are you?
Several
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
