The maid of honor just puked.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
