It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
