So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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