i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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