I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
