wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
