Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
