Will you blow on my dice?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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