I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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