jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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