I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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