sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
