i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
